The Most Powerful And Punishment Free Way To Better Behavior

The Most Powerful And Punishment Free Way To Better Behavior

Alternatives to Punishment, Kids 5 - 12 years, Parenting, Parenting Solutions, Positive Discipline, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs, Toddlers 12- 36 months
Discipline that teaches your child's heart and mind at the same time. When my son was four years old, he was sweet, funny and quite mischievous. Just a moment unsupervised and something was likely to get opened, spilled or broken. Most days my son was content to play with his toys, in the garden or to make an art project. Other days, it seemed like he was set on pushing every boundary and breaking every rule. If you have a young and energetic child at home I'm sure you know what this is like. One time, I found him in the bathroom with several open containers of shampoo and soap. The shower doors completely white with suds. "Beau-full" art he told me very excited. Another time he cracked open magic…
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What To Do When Consequences Don’t Work

What To Do When Consequences Don’t Work

Kids 5 - 12 years, Parenting, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs, Toddlers 12- 36 months
Three Parenting Strategies To Try when Consequences Stop Working and your Child is Misbehaving Does this scenario feel familiar? It’s getting close to the end of the day, and you are expecting your child to clean up toys, wash up, help set the table, get ready for bed and go to sleep. Only problem is, every step of the way includes ignored requests and power struggles. Toy clean up is not done. There is a fuss about dinner. Just getting into PJ's is a twenty minute orderdeal... With the best intentions to teach your child, you find yourself dishing out consequences. But the consequences only make things worse. Not better. Your child is upset and whiny "Why are you taking my toys away....moooooom! You are so mean!" You are thinking...this totally DESERVED…
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What You Need To Know To Navigate Tantrums Beyond Toddlerhood

What You Need To Know To Navigate Tantrums Beyond Toddlerhood

Alternatives to Punishment, Kids 5 - 12 years, Parenting, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs
People expect tantrums to disappear after the toddler years, but that's just not how it works. Have you ever seen an adult screaming about something meaningless?!?!? Big kid tantrum! Tantrums for older kids are often wrapped up in unspoken fear, frustration, sadness, or anxiety explains Katie Hurley, child and adolescent psychotherapist and author of "The Happy Kid Handbook." Has your four, five, six or even ten year old ever melted down into a pile of tears or flung into a fit of rage? Do you occasionally have to deal with anger, fits of screaming, kicking or door slamming? Ever wonder if Tantrums Past the Age of Three Normal? Many parents worry about tantrums and big emotional outbursts past toddler-hood. You may have asked yourself if tantrums after the age of three are even normal. Or you may…
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How To Raise an Emotionally Intelligent Child

How To Raise an Emotionally Intelligent Child

Kids 5 - 12 years, Parenting, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs, Toddlers 12- 36 months
Emotionally intelligent children not only recognize and manage their own feelings, they are also able to understand emotional states of others. Emotional intelligence is also important for healthy development, especially in the early years. "In the last decade or so, science has discovered a tremendous amount about the role emotions play in our lives. Researchers have found that even more than IQ, your emotional awareness and abilities to handle feelings will determine your success and happiness in all walks of life, including family relationships." --John Gottman,  Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child When children are able to recognize their own emotions, they are also more likely to be able to express what they need in order to keep their cool. For parents this is good news because it not only promotes healthy development it…
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What is the Difference between Praise and Encouragement?

What is the Difference between Praise and Encouragement?

Family Communication, Help By Age & Stage, Kids 5 - 12 years
Did you know too much blanket praise can undermine a child's confidence and motivation? Praise sounds like... "Good girl!" "You are so smart." "You are such a pretty little girl!" "You are strong and handsome." "You are an amazing athlete!" "You are so good at sharing." "You are super good at math." Sounds good, right? Familiar, perhaps, as you praise your child all through the day? Rethinking How and When To Praise Children Consider this, praise of this kind can actually displace just what our children need the most. Yes, displaces. As we give what feels like encouragement to our children in just the above way, we are undermining their ability to be intrinsically motivated--firing from inside themselves as they tap into their strengths and abilities to, on their own,…
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Raising Kids Who Are Critical Thinkers and Problem Solvers

Raising Kids Who Are Critical Thinkers and Problem Solvers

Kids 5 - 12 years, Parenting
Not too long ago, I was walking and juggling overflowing baskets of laundry, when my seven year old said: "Mom. I made a mistake". As the word mistake echoed around the two of us, I stopped walking. I looked at my son, noticing his face scrunched up in concentration. Curious about this mistake I sat down with him. Shoulder to shoulder with my son I said  "I’m listening." "Well, I'm still thinking." He replied. In that moment, I so wanted to spring up and tackle the never ending laundry. But I stopped my own hurry and said "Ok. I'll keep you company while you think.” And then I waited. I waited because I hoped that with some time and patience, my son would figure out what to do about this mistake he was still thinking about. Time…
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How to Discipline Through Connection Using Your Child’s Love Language

How to Discipline Through Connection Using Your Child’s Love Language

Alternatives to Punishment, Help By Age & Stage, Kids 5 - 12 years, Parenting, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs
My arms were still sore from scrubbing the dark streaks of marker my toddler had happily scribbled, off our porous pine dining table. I turned toward my oldest daughter. “I just told you not to leave your special (read; nonwashable) markers out where your little brother can reach them!” Had I been talking to a brick wall? I knew I had indeed been lecturing my very own blue-eyed spirited little girl, as she had reminded me with intermittent wiggles and rebuttals throughout. I had in fact been speaking to her, but I was not speaking in her language, or in a way she would best connect with and process. What was missing Often parents mistakenly employ ‘one size fits all’ parenting strategies, whether they be the same techniques our own…
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One Important Step To Take After Correcting Misbehavior

One Important Step To Take After Correcting Misbehavior

Kids 5 - 12 years, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs, Toddlers 12- 36 months
Books went flying down to the ground. Screams filled the dining room. My heart skipped a beat as I quickly assessed the situation for injuries and damages. You know that feelings when you aren't so sure if all your kids are alright? Realizing that nobody was hurt I moved on to understanding what had happened. Two boys had just happened.  Two lively, energetic and playful boys had struck a bookshelf with a soccer ball knocking down books and shattering a flower vase. Our family rules are clear about balls. Outdoors or in the playroom, that's it. The books mixed with water, glass and droopy flowers all over the floor made it clear as to why we have that rule in the first place. Rules get broken when children are growing. Limits get…
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Your Child May Have The Best Solution For Unwanted Behavior

Your Child May Have The Best Solution For Unwanted Behavior

Family Communication, Help By Age & Stage, Kids 5 - 12 years, Parenting, Positive Discipline, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs
My then 3-year old son and I were at our favorite family camp one summer. My son loved to play in the woods – grabbing handfuls of red earth, and throwing them up in the air like fireworks. The beautiful color and sound filled him with joy as the dirt rained down over his head and body. I, on the other hand, felt no joy when he laid his dirt-filled head of hair onto the pillow that night. I told him that if he wanted to play in the dirt, that was fine, but he’d have to take a shower after so that we could get the dirt out of his hair. Seems like a very logical consequence, right? However, my son hated the shower. He screamed, cried, and hollered…
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When your Child Says: I Hate You!

When your Child Says: I Hate You!

Family Communication, Help By Age & Stage, Kids 5 - 12 years, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs
The Most Helpful Parenting Response When a Child Says "I Hate You." When children feel disappointed, frustrated, angry or other difficult emotions, they may say hurtful words. Sometimes those words are  "I HATE YOU!" or "I hate you so much mom!" That small phrase packs quite the emotional punch - especially the very first time you hear it. Last summer, while on vacation, my four year old son asked for a toy at a store and I declined to buy it. My son's eyes squinted and his face tensed up as he said ever so clearly  "I hate you!" I had never heard such words from my son before and it was quite the surprise. The secret message behind your child's hurtful words "I hate you" is often code for something beyond…
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