The Special Tool for Replacing Anger and Frustration with Calm Connection

The Special Tool for Replacing Anger and Frustration with Calm Connection

Parenting
I'm sure you know the drill—buttons pushed, kids not listening, fighting in the backseat of the car. Whining, sassing, talking-back, door slamming. And how about that frustrating "last word"? You know, when you have a child who is ultra good at getting in the last word, and it drives you nuts because you want (and feel you deserve because you are the adult...) the last word too? That was my daughter and me. Or maybe you have the teen who is lost in their digital devices and offers up no words at all. That can really get a parent anxious. Or how about the tantrums by both toddlers and teens? Those teen tantrums caught me by surprise. Ever have a sobbing high-schooler in your lap? I have, and it was…
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Why Preschoolers Know Much Better Than They Behave

Why Preschoolers Know Much Better Than They Behave

Alternatives to Punishment, Parenting, Parenting Solutions, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs
Parents are routinely confused when their preschooler (aged 2 to 5) promises they won’t hit or scream only to turn around and hit or scream again. Part of the problem is young children don’t think twice nor contemplate the consequences of their actions in the heat of the moment. I can assure you this is not part of a secret plot to drive parents crazy and it isn’t personal either. Preschoolers know much better than they can behave and are impulsive by design. The parts of the brain responsible for self-control are still under development in young children. The brain is only 20% developed at birth and will ideally become more integrated in the first 6 years of life. In other words, the brain is still forming connections that will…
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Your Child May Have The Best Solution For Unwanted Behavior

Your Child May Have The Best Solution For Unwanted Behavior

Family Communication, Help By Age & Stage, Kids 5 - 12 years, Parenting, Positive Discipline, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs
My then 3-year old son and I were at our favorite family camp one summer. My son loved to play in the woods – grabbing handfuls of red earth, and throwing them up in the air like fireworks. The beautiful color and sound filled him with joy as the dirt rained down over his head and body. I, on the other hand, felt no joy when he laid his dirt-filled head of hair onto the pillow that night. I told him that if he wanted to play in the dirt, that was fine, but he’d have to take a shower after so that we could get the dirt out of his hair. Seems like a very logical consequence, right? However, my son hated the shower. He screamed, cried, and hollered…
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Avoid Power Struggles using this Problem Solving Script

Avoid Power Struggles using this Problem Solving Script

Family Communication, Kids 5 - 12 years, Parenting, Tweens 10-12 years
The bathroom is getting steamy. The water has been flowing for minutes, and your child is still fully clothed, refusing to budge. Every night it’s the same battle. You say that he needs to shower. He refuses to shower. A power struggle begins. Some nights, you try to wrestle him out of his clothes. Other nights you turn off the water and let him go to bed dirty. What does discipline look like when you and your child have conflicting opinions about what is important? Problem Solving Together The next morning, you pour two bowls of cereal and sit down with your child. “I’ve noticed that you HATE taking a shower!” you say with a light tone and a smile. “What’s up?” Glancing up from his cereal, he replies, “I…
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The Stress Free Picky Eating Solution You Will Love

The Stress Free Picky Eating Solution You Will Love

Babies 0-12 months, Nutrition, Parenting, Toddlers 12- 36 months
It's pretty normal for children to be selective about what they eat. Picky eating can be just a phase, especially in the toddler and preschool years.  Even if it's normal, picky eating can bring up worries, frustration and big power struggles. Here is the good news: There are ways for you to encourage healthy eating habits, without resorting to demands, struggles or bribes. None of that works in the long run anyways and usually leads to kids dreading meal times. Parents tell me they love this picky eating solution because it's simple, clear and actually something they can follow through. Following through with a solution is often the hardest part of solving parenting challenges right? So Here we go... If you want to feel calmer and more confident about meal times, this information from Elly's Satter, a…
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How to Discipline When A New Baby Arrives and Siblings Act Out

How to Discipline When A New Baby Arrives and Siblings Act Out

Babies 0-12 months, Kids 5 - 12 years, Parenting, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs
I'm having a very trying time with my three-year-old at the moment. He is a very bright, highly spirited and sensitive little boy. His baby brother was born just a month ago so I appreciate he has had a lot of change to deal with lately. But to be frank I am running out of ideas! He is very physical and often hurts me and the baby. I came under a lot of pressure from certain family members to take a firmer stand with him as they believed I was being too soft and rewarding bad behaviour. So reluctantly, I have started using time out even though it doesn't fit with my ethos and I know it is not particularly effective either. I am simply at the end of my…
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Three Tips For Getting Kids Ready and Out the Door Struggle Free

Three Tips For Getting Kids Ready and Out the Door Struggle Free

Help By Age & Stage, Kids 5 - 12 years, Parenting, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs, Tweens 10-12 years
Do mornings at your house look like a scene from a stressful Groundhog's day video?  The same level of stress, the same rushing, and the same power struggles with your children day in and day out?  If it does, you are not alone!  One of the biggest challenges modern families seems to face is getting everyone out the door in the morning.  Of course it is physically easy to accomplish, but the biggest complaint I hear from the families I work with is that it is a constant struggle and can feel combative.  So what can you do? Three Tips for Getting Kids To Feel Cooperative and Capable in the Morning 1. Create and Keep a Routine Your Kid Will Want to Follow  In order to simplify, start by creating…
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8 Proven Ways That Teach Children To Respect Safety Rules

8 Proven Ways That Teach Children To Respect Safety Rules

Help By Age & Stage, Kids 5 - 12 years, Parenting, Parenting Solutions, Tweens 10-12 years
Have you ever told your children not to hide in a clothing store, not to touch dangerous things, or not to run in the parking lot? Have you had to say it more than once, only to find that they repeat the same behavior three minutes later? Why is this happening? Prohibition (like saying DON'T) is the most popular disciplinary short-cut in teaching kids about safety. It's an automatic response to stop the unwanted behavior. On the other hand, prohibition by itself works only temporarily. It does not address the root causes of the unwanted behavior. Kids’ natural curiosity washes out your rules like a high tide. Here are 8 proven ways to teach children to follow safety rules Step 1: Strive to establish an "I'm good" mindset. You need…
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How to Set Limits with Your Child (That Stick!) in 3 Easy Steps

How to Set Limits with Your Child (That Stick!) in 3 Easy Steps

Kids 5 - 12 years, Parenting, Positive Discipline
I keep a notebook about each of my children in which I record major events, questions, and notes from parent-teacher conferences and other meetings. I happened to be thumbing through my daughter’s notebook while at a doctor visit last month, and a folded piece of paper fell out.   On it, I’d  described a challenging parenting situation that I wanted help with. At the time (10 years ago), I was taking a parenting class with my husband because we were both exasperated by our daughter’s behavior after her baby sister was born. Here’s the scenario . . . perhaps you’ve experienced something similar? It’s bath time, and my 4YO daughter is happily splashing around, diving underwater with her swim goggles on. Mom:  Time to get out of the tub.  You…
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10 Helpful Strategies for Parenting Super High Energy Kids

10 Helpful Strategies for Parenting Super High Energy Kids

Help By Age & Stage, Kids 5 - 12 years, Parenting, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs
Positive Parenting Tools For Helping Your High Energy Child Thrive My daughter is so loud at times. She has more energy than I can handle for sure.  Shared a mom recently in a parents group. Well, my son just cannot slow down! He is totally the annoying kid I swore I would never have!!! It's SO overwhelming. shared another mom. Only a few parents will openly say that they find their child very annoying and overwhelming. But the reality is that some children have very energetic personalities. Do you have a high energy, full of life, must touch everything and ask 1,000 questions a day, can't sit still, curious, spunky, type of child? Do you sometimes feel frustrated with all the energy your child has? If it's feels like a bit much to…
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