The Most Powerful And Punishment Free Way To Better Behavior

The Most Powerful And Punishment Free Way To Better Behavior

Alternatives to Punishment, Kids 5 - 12 years, Parenting, Parenting Solutions, Positive Discipline, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs, Toddlers 12- 36 months
Discipline that teaches your child's heart and mind at the same time. When my son was four years old, he was sweet, funny and quite mischievous. Just a moment unsupervised and something was likely to get opened, spilled or broken. Most days my son was content to play with his toys, in the garden or to make an art project. Other days, it seemed like he was set on pushing every boundary and breaking every rule. If you have a young and energetic child at home I'm sure you know what this is like. One time, I found him in the bathroom with several open containers of shampoo and soap. The shower doors completely white with suds. "Beau-full" art he told me very excited. Another time he cracked open magic…
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What To Do When Consequences Don’t Work

What To Do When Consequences Don’t Work

Kids 5 - 12 years, Parenting, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs, Toddlers 12- 36 months
Three Parenting Strategies To Try when Consequences Stop Working and your Child is Misbehaving Does this scenario feel familiar? It’s getting close to the end of the day, and you are expecting your child to clean up toys, wash up, help set the table, get ready for bed and go to sleep. Only problem is, every step of the way includes ignored requests and power struggles. Toy clean up is not done. There is a fuss about dinner. Just getting into PJ's is a twenty minute orderdeal... With the best intentions to teach your child, you find yourself dishing out consequences. But the consequences only make things worse. Not better. Your child is upset and whiny "Why are you taking my toys away....moooooom! You are so mean!" You are thinking...this totally DESERVED…
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What You Need To Know To Navigate Tantrums Beyond Toddlerhood

What You Need To Know To Navigate Tantrums Beyond Toddlerhood

Alternatives to Punishment, Kids 5 - 12 years, Parenting, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs
People expect tantrums to disappear after the toddler years, but that's just not how it works. Have you ever seen an adult screaming about something meaningless?!?!? Big kid tantrum! Tantrums for older kids are often wrapped up in unspoken fear, frustration, sadness, or anxiety explains Katie Hurley, child and adolescent psychotherapist and author of "The Happy Kid Handbook." Has your four, five, six or even ten year old ever melted down into a pile of tears or flung into a fit of rage? Do you occasionally have to deal with anger, fits of screaming, kicking or door slamming? Ever wonder if Tantrums Past the Age of Three Normal? Many parents worry about tantrums and big emotional outbursts past toddler-hood. You may have asked yourself if tantrums after the age of three are even normal. Or you may…
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How To Raise an Emotionally Intelligent Child

How To Raise an Emotionally Intelligent Child

Kids 5 - 12 years, Parenting, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs, Toddlers 12- 36 months
Emotionally intelligent children not only recognize and manage their own feelings, they are also able to understand emotional states of others. Emotional intelligence is also important for healthy development, especially in the early years. "In the last decade or so, science has discovered a tremendous amount about the role emotions play in our lives. Researchers have found that even more than IQ, your emotional awareness and abilities to handle feelings will determine your success and happiness in all walks of life, including family relationships." --John Gottman,  Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child When children are able to recognize their own emotions, they are also more likely to be able to express what they need in order to keep their cool. For parents this is good news because it not only promotes healthy development it…
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Positive Parenting: What Really Helps Children During Tantrums

Positive Parenting: What Really Helps Children During Tantrums

Help By Age & Stage, Parenting, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs, Toddlers 12- 36 months
Children have tantrums. It's practically inevitable. Even if you set out to parent in a kind and connected way, tantrums can happen. They happen because tantrums are a sign of emotional overload. Tantrums are a request for loving guidance. Tantrums are emotional outbursts. During a tantrum a child may meltdown, cry and scream. Sometimes children also hit, kick, bite and bang things during a tantrum.  Tantrums happen when children are overwhelmed. Overwhelm can come from being scared, frustrated, tired, hungry, confused and uncomfortable. Children of all ages can have tantrums, but toddlers in particular are more likely to have tantrums. This happens because the toddler brain is still very immature and impulsive. It is not a sign that they are naughty, bad or spoiled. Tantrums don't have to rule the…
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Essentials for Parenting Stubborn and Determined Children

Essentials for Parenting Stubborn and Determined Children

Help By Age & Stage, Parenting, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs, Toddlers 12- 36 months
At the dinner table, my two year old asked for water. I poured some into the glass that was at her place setting and she started protesting. The glass in front of her was not the purple fairy cup she wanted. She said “I don’t want that one…no no no…I not eating or drink until the fairy cup [is] on the table." While I think it’s wonderful that my daughter has an opinion and a wish for a different cup, dinner was already underway. I paused to think for a moment... Would you fetch a new cup to avoid a meltdown? Stand your ground and refuse to get a new cup? Is there an alternative to either giving in or standing your ground? Some parents may say that water is water…
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How to Discipline Through Connection Using Your Child’s Love Language

How to Discipline Through Connection Using Your Child’s Love Language

Alternatives to Punishment, Help By Age & Stage, Kids 5 - 12 years, Parenting, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs
My arms were still sore from scrubbing the dark streaks of marker my toddler had happily scribbled, off our porous pine dining table. I turned toward my oldest daughter. “I just told you not to leave your special (read; nonwashable) markers out where your little brother can reach them!” Had I been talking to a brick wall? I knew I had indeed been lecturing my very own blue-eyed spirited little girl, as she had reminded me with intermittent wiggles and rebuttals throughout. I had in fact been speaking to her, but I was not speaking in her language, or in a way she would best connect with and process. What was missing Often parents mistakenly employ ‘one size fits all’ parenting strategies, whether they be the same techniques our own…
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One Important Step To Take After Correcting Misbehavior

One Important Step To Take After Correcting Misbehavior

Kids 5 - 12 years, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs, Toddlers 12- 36 months
Books went flying down to the ground. Screams filled the dining room. My heart skipped a beat as I quickly assessed the situation for injuries and damages. You know that feelings when you aren't so sure if all your kids are alright? Realizing that nobody was hurt I moved on to understanding what had happened. Two boys had just happened.  Two lively, energetic and playful boys had struck a bookshelf with a soccer ball knocking down books and shattering a flower vase. Our family rules are clear about balls. Outdoors or in the playroom, that's it. The books mixed with water, glass and droopy flowers all over the floor made it clear as to why we have that rule in the first place. Rules get broken when children are growing. Limits get…
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Why Preschoolers Know Much Better Than They Behave

Why Preschoolers Know Much Better Than They Behave

Alternatives to Punishment, Parenting, Parenting Solutions, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs
Parents are routinely confused when their preschooler (aged 2 to 5) promises they won’t hit or scream only to turn around and hit or scream again. Part of the problem is young children don’t think twice nor contemplate the consequences of their actions in the heat of the moment. I can assure you this is not part of a secret plot to drive parents crazy and it isn’t personal either. Preschoolers know much better than they can behave and are impulsive by design. The parts of the brain responsible for self-control are still under development in young children. The brain is only 20% developed at birth and will ideally become more integrated in the first 6 years of life. In other words, the brain is still forming connections that will…
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Your Child May Have The Best Solution For Unwanted Behavior

Your Child May Have The Best Solution For Unwanted Behavior

Family Communication, Help By Age & Stage, Kids 5 - 12 years, Parenting, Positive Discipline, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs
My then 3-year old son and I were at our favorite family camp one summer. My son loved to play in the woods – grabbing handfuls of red earth, and throwing them up in the air like fireworks. The beautiful color and sound filled him with joy as the dirt rained down over his head and body. I, on the other hand, felt no joy when he laid his dirt-filled head of hair onto the pillow that night. I told him that if he wanted to play in the dirt, that was fine, but he’d have to take a shower after so that we could get the dirt out of his hair. Seems like a very logical consequence, right? However, my son hated the shower. He screamed, cried, and hollered…
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