One Important Step To Take After Correcting Misbehavior

One Important Step To Take After Correcting Misbehavior

Kids 5 - 12 years, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs, Toddlers 12- 36 months
Books went flying down to the ground. Screams filled the dining room. My heart skipped a beat as I quickly assessed the situation for injuries and damages. You know that feelings when you aren't so sure if all your kids are alright? Realizing that nobody was hurt I moved on to understanding what had happened. Two boys had just happened.  Two lively, energetic and playful boys had struck a bookshelf with a soccer ball knocking down books and shattering a flower vase. Our family rules are clear about balls. Outdoors or in the playroom, that's it. The books mixed with water, glass and droopy flowers all over the floor made it clear as to why we have that rule in the first place. Rules get broken when children are growing. Limits get…
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How to Set Limits with Your Child (That Stick!) in 3 Easy Steps

How to Set Limits with Your Child (That Stick!) in 3 Easy Steps

Kids 5 - 12 years, Parenting, Positive Discipline
I keep a notebook about each of my children in which I record major events, questions, and notes from parent-teacher conferences and other meetings. I happened to be thumbing through my daughter’s notebook while at a doctor visit last month, and a folded piece of paper fell out.   On it, I’d  described a challenging parenting situation that I wanted help with. At the time (10 years ago), I was taking a parenting class with my husband because we were both exasperated by our daughter’s behavior after her baby sister was born. Here’s the scenario . . . perhaps you’ve experienced something similar? It’s bath time, and my 4YO daughter is happily splashing around, diving underwater with her swim goggles on. Mom:  Time to get out of the tub.  You…
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One Sure Way To Encourage Cooperation in Early Childhood

One Sure Way To Encourage Cooperation in Early Childhood

Family Communication, Parenting, Positive Discipline, Toddlers 12- 36 months
One very challenging task in the early years of parenting is finding ways to encourage cooperation and listening. Toddlers and pre-schoolers are notorious for saying "NO!" "I can't" and "I don't want to!" especially in moments when we would like to hear "yes mama!" and "OK" In the name of getting things done, it is so tempting to engage in demanding and nagging:  "Come on..." And even pleading "Will you please, just put your second shoe on sweet darling!" Of course there is the bribing and prize routes that often just leads to time outs and consequences....but toddlers and preschoolers don't really mean to be making trouble. Young children are curious by nature and even defiant by design! But this is a good thing, as it helps them grow into resilient, capable beings! Growing…
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How To Be An Encouraging Parent

How To Be An Encouraging Parent

Family Communication, Help By Age & Stage, Kids 5 - 12 years, Parenting, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs, Tweens 10-12 years
One of my favorite parenting tools, and one of the pillars of parenting with Positive Discipline, is encouragement. “Treat a man (or child) as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man (or child) as he can and should be and he will become as he can and should be.” - Steven R Covey Encouragement: Holding the Container To me, encouragement is holding space for others to discovery, explore and show up as their best versions of themselves. “Holding space” is the way that we show up in the relationship, how we sit, how we listen, how we respond. We are always “holding space” – just some of the time we are more intentional about it than others… I love what one of my class participants…
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If Not Punishment, Then What? Three Ideas That Work.

If Not Punishment, Then What? Three Ideas That Work.

Alternatives to Punishment, Parenting, Positive Discipline
What kind of discipline works for a child when they are misbehaving? When children  make a mistake, mess up, break things or say something obscene it might be difficult to decide to how address the situation.  Children really do benefit from having discipline and guidance, but children actually don't learn from pain or shame.  When children misbehave children need parents that are willing to help them find their way back to more positive behaviors. So, what kind of discipline do children need? What kind of discipline helps a child behave well and thrive? Positive Discipline Helps Children Thrive Discipline that teaches and helps a child feel capable and responsible is what really helps a child change unhelpful behaviors into positive choices. With a positive approach to parenting, punishments do not need to be…
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One of the Best Tools for Ending Morning Struggles

One of the Best Tools for Ending Morning Struggles

Help By Age & Stage, Kids 5 - 12 years, Positive Discipline, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs
Is morning time turning out to be a tough transition for you and your child? Are power struggles leading to hectic and rushed mornings? Many of the parents I work with say that either getting out the door in the morning or putting the kids to bed at night is their most stressful time. Whether it’s due to dawdling or outward defiance, it’s no wonder parents feel at a loss for what to do! One of the best tools for managing those morning and evening struggles is establishing a ROUTINE. Although we may think that our kids “just know” what to do, it’s important we refrain from assuming. Making agreements ahead of time, in the form of a formalized routine chart, is key! Getting started is simpler than you may think. Here…
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Positive Discipline for Attention Seeking Behaviors

Positive Discipline for Attention Seeking Behaviors

Alternatives to Punishment, Kids 5 - 12 years, Positive Discipline, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs, Toddlers 12- 36 months
You’re feeling annoyed. Your child keeps bothering you with the same behavior. “Stop!” you huff for the tenth time, but it happens again. Why can’t my child just listen to me, you think. You’re confused as to the reason your child would continue to do something over and over again when you’ve made it clear that you want it to stop. How many times has this happened for you this week? Maybe did you finally “lose it” and yell? . . or end up threatening or following through with a punishment? Want to better understand the situation? Would you like to try something that might yield better results? Read on to take a deeper look at what’s really going on between you and your child. Attention Seeking Behaviors – What’s Going…
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Helping Your Child Through Disappointment

Helping Your Child Through Disappointment

Family Communication, Kids 5 - 12 years, Parenting, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs, Teens 13-18 Years, Toddlers 12- 36 months
Disappointment can be like a tidal wave of emotions for your kids. Image this scenario: The van is packed, and you’re about ready to head out the door. Suddenly, you hear thunder in the distance. No! It can’t be! You checked the weather, and it wasn’t supposed to rain for a few more hours. But minutes later, the rain is pouring down outside. Three children stare at you. “When are we going to the beach, mom?” Bracing yourself, you cautiously say, “Well...it’s raining...we can’t go to the beach today.” In an instant, one child is crying and flopping around on the ground; another child is throwing things, kicking you and yelling; and a third is pouting, staring out the window. Three disappointed kids. Now what? How to Help Your Child When They…
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How Goal Setting with your Tween can Build Connection

How Goal Setting with your Tween can Build Connection

Parenting, Teens 13-18 Years
Goal setting is something that it really important to me. I think I love goal setting because is it an opportunity to get a big picture look at where I am at and dream big for where I want to be. I am all about action, and goals are the action we take to live the life we want. As we head in to this New Year, I am finding myself really wanting to support my (almost) 12-year-old daughter in setting some goals. It’s not so much the goals that I want her to focus on, but rather that process of taking stock and looking ahead. Now, my daughter isn’t always super game to go along with all of my warm and fuzzy, relationship building shenanigans… So I knew that…
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Positive Parenting: How To Encourage Children to Follow Your Guidance

Positive Parenting: How To Encourage Children to Follow Your Guidance

Alternatives to Punishment, Kids 5 - 12 years, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs, Toddlers 12- 36 months
Children are much more likely to learn from positive interactions than negative ones.  While some parents may fear that being kind is going to lead to a misbehaving child, in truth, a child will want to listen to parental guidance when they can trust their parents and feel safe.  Traditional punishment and "discipline" techniques often focus on making a child feel badly about themselves and their behavior. While dealing with defiance or lack of cooperation is difficult,  children most often misbehave when they are already feeling disconnected, bad, tired or overwhelmed.  Making a child feel worse about themselves is not going to help them understand that their behavior is unacceptable or inappropriate. Discipline that makes children feel bad, shame, or scared also doesn't help them change their behavior. What does encourage children to follow…
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