Rethinking Consequences: 3 Steps that Help Children Change Unacceptable Behaviors

Rethinking Consequences: 3 Steps that Help Children Change Unacceptable Behaviors

Alternatives to Punishment, Help By Age & Stage
There were jeans and inside out t-shirts scattered between legos and nerf darts. It was almost the end of the day and my son hadn't picked up his room. I had asked earlier (probably more than once!) As I walked through the house looking for my son I thought to myself..If he is on his tablet, I am so taking it away for a week!!! I noticed I was really tense and annoyed and took a few breaths to calm down. That's when  I spotted him on the couch with his sister giggling up a storm. "I noticed your room isn't ready yet. Did you have a plan for getting it done as we agreed?" "Oh...big ooops mom. You asked me and  I didn't do it. I can do it now,…
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Three Important Steps To Take After Yelling At Your Kids

Three Important Steps To Take After Yelling At Your Kids

Family Communication, Help By Age & Stage
Yelling at Kids: How to Recover from a Total Disconnect from Your Child Mama, you are yelling at me and I don't appreciate that!  - my five year old Sometimes, no matter how positive and peaceful we intend to be... we react. Sometimes we react badly...we yell! we say mean things! we wish for a break!!!!! Then we end up totally disconnected from our kids. If you ever do that, yell and then feel terrible, or defeated, or guilty, you are not alone. In a survey  from the University of New Hampshire, out of 1,000 parents 90% admitted to yelling when they felt at the end of their rope. That 90% is a big number so if you find yourself yelling, even if it's not what you wish you were doing,…
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Positive Discipline for Disruptive Classroom Behavior

Positive Discipline for Disruptive Classroom Behavior

Alternatives to Punishment, Help By Age & Stage, Kids 5 - 12 years, Parenting, Parenting Solutions, Positive Discipline
Positive Discipline at Home & School for Turning Disruptive Behavior Around Do you have any suggestions for a child who may be seeking the attention of his classmates? He is being disruptive in class trying to get other children to pay attention to him. He is an only child and due to work, we don’t get many play dates with other children. He gets plenty of attention at home as well as time to play alone. At school he is constantly wanting someone to look at him or laugh at him or talk to him. Attention Seeking = Connection Seeking One guess is that your child really seeks connection with his classmates, but mistakenly thinks that attention is what he needs. Several strategies will help him, but realize that it may…
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40 Questions That Get Kids Talking

40 Questions That Get Kids Talking

Family Communication, Help By Age & Stage, Kids 5 - 12 years, Parenting, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs
One great way to encourage children to open up is to make a habit of cherishing daily conversations with your child. Conversations build connection. When children feel connected to their parent, they are more likely to feel well and be cooperative. When we pause and listen, we can really get to know so much about our children. Sometimes our children don’t readily open up and share about their day. It can be frustrating when all you want is to talk to your child and you are met with a frown and heavy sighs...Ever felt like you don't know what to ask to get a child to open up? Most parents really do want to know about their child's thoughts, dreams and concerns.To raise resilient, happy children, It's important to listen to our…
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One Sure Way To Encourage Cooperation in Early Childhood

One Sure Way To Encourage Cooperation in Early Childhood

Family Communication, Parenting, Positive Discipline, Toddlers 12- 36 months
One very challenging task in the early years of parenting is finding ways to encourage cooperation and listening. Toddlers and pre-schoolers are notorious for saying "NO!" "I can't" and "I don't want to!" especially in moments when we would like to hear "yes mama!" and "OK" In the name of getting things done, it is so tempting to engage in demanding and nagging:  "Come on..." And even pleading "Will you please, just put your second shoe on sweet darling!" Of course there is the bribing and prize routes that often just leads to time outs and consequences....but toddlers and preschoolers don't really mean to be making trouble. Young children are curious by nature and even defiant by design! But this is a good thing, as it helps them grow into resilient, capable beings! Growing…
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3 Examples of Positive Parenting in Practice

3 Examples of Positive Parenting in Practice

Alternatives to Punishment, Parenting, Parenting Solutions, Positive Discipline
Positive Parenting tools can help you prevent power struggles and encourage your child to be cooperative. Do you like the idea of positive parenting but not sure how to put into practice in every day interactions?  Like  most families, in my home there are moments that are challenging. Sometimes downright difficult because what my children want, and I what I expect are not necessarily in sync. Sticking to a connection based approach to discipline, I am often able to defer  power struggles, nagging and meltdowns and restore peace - so here are three examples from my daily life with kids as I practice positive parenting: Power Struggle vs. Encouraging Capability #1 The Case of I don’t wanna One morning, my six year old kept asking when breakfast was going to be ready. He didn’t…
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Dance Break: An Awesome Alternative to Time-Out

Dance Break: An Awesome Alternative to Time-Out

Alternatives to Punishment, Parenting, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs
Adults teach children in three important ways: The first is by example, the second is by example, the third is by example.~Albert Schweitzer A few weeks ago, we discovered something at our house that has allowed us to diffuse a number of melt-downs. Just when we see one of the kids or ourselves start to lose it, we cry “Dance Break!” We take all the kids to the kitchen, crank up the stereo and rock out. It is amazing how much better we all feel after a dance break. We all are a little winded, and have forgotten why we were so upset in the first place. Depending on the time of day it can be helpful to get them to sleep too! I’ve been battling insomnia lately, but after…
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Positive Parenting: What To Do When Your Child Lies To You

Positive Parenting: What To Do When Your Child Lies To You

Alternatives to Punishment, Parenting, Positive Discipline
Positive Parenting tools you can use to encourage your child to stop telling you lies and fibs. Children want more than anything to be loved and accepted by their parents and caregivers. When children realize they have done something wrong, they may instinctively try to re-frame the situation in a positive way; sometimes, that involves bending the truth or outright lying. Has your child ever insisted it was the dog that left the light on? Or that she did clean her room but the wind must have made it all messy again?  From the most innocent to serious lies, it is possible to teach children the value of honesty without relying on punishments, bribes or rewards. An effective way to deal with lies is to remember the TRUTH: T is for traps: If you…
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One of the Best Tools for Ending Morning Struggles

One of the Best Tools for Ending Morning Struggles

Help By Age & Stage, Kids 5 - 12 years, Positive Discipline, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs
Is morning time turning out to be a tough transition for you and your child? Are power struggles leading to hectic and rushed mornings? Many of the parents I work with say that either getting out the door in the morning or putting the kids to bed at night is their most stressful time. Whether it’s due to dawdling or outward defiance, it’s no wonder parents feel at a loss for what to do! One of the best tools for managing those morning and evening struggles is establishing a ROUTINE. Although we may think that our kids “just know” what to do, it’s important we refrain from assuming. Making agreements ahead of time, in the form of a formalized routine chart, is key! Getting started is simpler than you may think. Here…
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Positive Discipline For Demanding and Entitled Behaviors

Positive Discipline For Demanding and Entitled Behaviors

Kids 5 - 12 years, Parenting, Preschoolers 3-5 yrs
Underneath tantrums, sibling fights, entitled "me, mine, give me more" demands, back talking and power struggles are messages. Messages that can reveal what a child is feeling, thinking and deciding. Messages that when understood can help us better respond, connect and guide our children. One of the principles behind positive parenting is understanding that all behaviors are purposeful. Behind a tantrum may be a request for connection and help expressing difficult emotions. Behind back talk might be a message of discouragement. But what about when children are acting in entitled and demanding ways? What should a parent understand about a child that expects and demands a bribe or a reward for being "good"? What does it mean if a child doesn't want to participate in household chores - ever - or without an…
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